Monday, May 9, 2011

My Plea for Help

Guys, I need your help.

This is long, but it’s important to me.

I recently started this blog early this year, during winter break. On Christmas, I received a Kindle for Christmas, with the promise of conserving money because eBooks are cheaper than print books. Sadly, I broke that promise because I did not foresee the creation of this blog. I also discovered that I valued traditional books so much more than the ones in type on a screen. I love the smell, the feel, the action of turning each page. But these books cost money. A lot of money.

I tried to keep my spending at a low, but when you blog, it’s completely different from just a normal reader. As a blogger, you need to keep up with the newest books, and be constantly purchasing to support the authors that you love and have actually contacted via Twitter, email, or in person. Before I did this, I went to the library all the time to check out books, and while I still do that, I feel the wanting – no, the need, to buy and read books before the library even receives them.

As expenses have added up, and my bookshelf is coming closer and closer to bursting at the seams, my parents are beginning to question the rationality of all this. They don’t understand how books are my refuge, the only place where I can truly hide from the taxing outside world. They don’t understand how people like you, other people who live and swear by books, are who I truly feel connected to because we both love the same things. All they know is my well-being, which I completely understand (I’d be stupid if I didn’t), but when books are my home, the things I live for, then what am I supposed to do? Go on living like a zombie?

They want me to quit. They want me to stop spending so much money, so much time. They want me to go to bed at ten o’clock sharp with all my homework done, and head off to school the next morning wide awake. They want me to come home right after school, or any practices I may have, do homework, eat, and go to bed again. It’s a cycle. I rarely get to go outside to just chill with my friends. I have “homework parties.” That’s how sad my life is. Connecting via the World Wide Web is probably the only thing keeping me sane. They’re even starting to talk about my future, and how what I’m doing right now is foolish and is wasting time.

I don’t have the money. In February of 2010, I was diagnosed with a chronic kidney disease. I have no choice but to stay home and rest. If I could, or rather, if my parents would allow it, I would go out and get a job. But I can’t. I’m so lost. I have no idea what I can do to continue this blog. I don’t want to stop. I can’t. This is the first time I’ve ever so strongly defied my parents, but I want to and will try my hardest to find a way to continue. I get good grades, I take AP classes, I’m in band, I play tennis (currently on medical leave), I’m in Student Council. I do almost everything. But even if I’m good at them, I don’t care for them as much as I care for this self-proclaimed job.

You know all those book donation programs they have for children who are underprivileged? Do they have one for book bloggers? Right now, I’m just as needy as they are. I want to be able to spread my love of books out to other people, just like you. But I can’t do that without any support.

I don’t want this to sound like I’m begging for money, but when it comes down to the core, it pretty much is. I have a CKD. We have to pay the bills. Doctors recently discovered two brain tumors in my mom. Surgery seems imminent. My sister is 12, and I’m still a teenager. We need her, and we don’t know what her results will be. But we do know what will happen if we don’t do anything, soon.

I want to ask you, you who are probably older and much more experienced, what I should do. Really, I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. To put it simply, I’m a teenager pursuing her hobby. Yes, I’ve spent money, but I’ve always asked before, and however reluctantly, my parents have agreed. But now they’ve lost what little comprehension they had of my love for this. I was always shy to ask for more books or to go to an author signing or book convention. I feel like I’m committing a crime if I’m walking to the mailbox to drop off some swag prizes. I’m scared, because nobody in this house, or in my church, or in my school, shares this need for books with me. It’s a large-scale form of bullying, where pretty much everybody you know and love is involved.

How can I keep doing what I love? Will you help me? This is coming from a fellow book lover who has always, always hid behind the brick wall that she built around herself and her emotions. I am now tearing down that wall this one time, to beg for help. Please. From something as little as a word of encouragement, or a strict letter to my dearly beloved parents, anything will make me feel loads better.

Thanks for reading this.

*builds wall back up*

Wow, that was pathetic. I feel like such a crybaby now. But it’s all truth.


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